Pakistan Zindabad (Long Live Pakistan)

I never thought I would say this, but I could actually move back here. Maybe its because my heart falls in love and gets attached easily. Maybe its because I'm indecisive and easily influenced and sway depending on where I am. Maybe its because I tend to filter out the bad and like to see only the good in everything and everyone.

Driving through the streets of Pindi today, I saw Pakistan. The real Pakistan I was sheltered from growing up. I was priveleged enough to be born with parents that worked hard and gave me more than what they had growing up (which is what every parent strives for I think). And despite their attempts to make sure we knew our roots and keep us humble, we still never experienced Pakistan at the local level. At the level of the average person here. Today, as I sat and heard the stories of some of the girls at Saba Homes, I cried inside my heart. One of the 9 year old girls at the home was doing labor work before she was brought here. Her father, who obviously had some kind of psychological issues, locked her mother and all his kids except for her and one of her sisters in the house, and burned the house down before running off. On our way back into the city, there were boys holding onto the ends of mens shalwars with tears of exhaustion from begging all day. There were makeshift tents serving as 'permanent' homes. There in front of me were the statistics of poverty we read about in our development classes.

Pakistan might be polluted, corrupt, unsafe and terrorized, but even with all its flaws and unmanageability, its home. I love the flat rooftops with minarets poking through the smog filled sunsets. The obnoxiously colorful trucks with buffalo's sticking their heads (and butts) out the back that are like art on wheels. The long lines at the CNG station on Thursdays because theyre closed on Fridays and Saturdays. The smell in the air that can only be described as being Pakistan. But most of all, I love the people who manage to create smiles through all the despair. I love the people like Imran Khan and Saghir Uncle that give you hope and make you want to stay. The people who make a difference and make the world a better place. The ones who stand out against corruption and melt away the flaws of our society.

Trust vs. Home

It was winter break here last week, so thankfully when I went to the Home, the girls were there. I got to sit in on their Islamic Studies class where they were learning Dua-e-Qunoot, which is a verse from the Quran recited during one of our prayers. After that they learnt the equivalent of our biblical stories about Prophet Ibrahim. They were absolutely adorable, and since I was new they kept turning around to look at me curiously. And they smiled and laughed as though they were the happiest girls alive, all bundled up in their jackets and gloves. Gas isn't really available out in Pindi, especially nowadays with the load shedding. So there isn't really heating out there and its pretty darn cold =( Load shedding of both gas and electricity is a pretty big problem here right now, so cold showers and no heating has been sort of a norm lately.

So I got a chance to see the home, and the office for Saba Trust and get a much better understanding of how the organization works. Basically, Saba Trust is the umbrella organization with different projects, including their flood relief efforts, the Saba Homes orphanage for the girls, medicial clinics, bringing water supplies to villages, along with other relief efforts for those in poverty here. The organization is in the process of organizing a formal board, which I am helping with, especially with my training and experience with that in the Peace Corps. I am also working on grant research right now and will be working on applications once I find the places we want to apply to and gather all the information. I'll write about that in more detail at a later point. The trust has offices in Pindi, Karachi, Kuwait, California and now is trying to set something up in London too. I'm organizing an awareness dinner in Kuwait tentatively scheduled for April as well. So a lot of the work I'm doing is remote and from home actually.

Islamabad at last

I finally made it to Islamabad. I don't know if its exciting or exhausting that this is finally the place I'll be staying the longest (and its only about 3 1/2 months) in quite a while. When we were in Lahore and I was telling my uncle what all I've been up to recently, he commented on what an adventurous and exciting life I lead. He's never left the country and never lived outside of a 10 miles radius of where he is now. It's weird how someone from my own family can have such an insanely different life from my own.

I've been working on the grantwriting workshop. First it was about writing a case for support, and then about prospect research and identifying potential funders who are best suited to support your organizations work. And I'll finally get to meet the girls soon, which I can't wait for! Although I don't anticipate the bulk of my work being with the girls, most of it should be with grants and office and project management while the girls are at school. But still...

Flood relief

I'm really proud of my little sister, Erum. She's the secretary of the NHS at her high school and she and her friends organized a donation drive for the flood victims. This is some of the stuff they gathered in the diwaniya in our house in Kuwait. The bags are all full of clothes. I helped my mommy sort through and label and pack the clothes into boxes to be sent to Pakistan with the Imran Khan foundation to be distributed to the victims.

Erum and her high school NHS friends after collecting the donations. Aren't they cute?

I'm really excited to start working with the Saba Homes. I'll be in Pakistan on Monday. Technically I've already started working with them, because I went to the office in Garden Grove before leaving California. And I'm taking part in an online grantwriting workshop because that is something I will be helping out with: grant applications. I am insanely excited about this because it is something I had hoped to get more experience with in the Peace Corps. I can't wait =)

Opposites

Maybe New York wasn't the best place to go right after St. Kitts. It was overwhelming to say the least. I still had a great time with my amazing friends there (thank you Sameer, Fati, Zaynab, Inayat and Farah!) but it was just a lot to handle. New York is just as busy, fast paced, crazy, overwhelming and COLD as St. Kitts is slow, relaxed, laid-back and hot. There were too many choices, and everyone knows I don't do well with making decisions. I don't know how well I'm readjusting. And part of what makes it hard is that I didn't have the time to get ready for it. And also the fact that I'm not settling back to a particular lifestyle. I'm jumping around. And even though that's what I want because I'm not quite ready to start a settled calm life just yet, my head feels like a crowded train track collision waiting to happen. I'm sick of living out of a suitcase, but I'm not ready to hang up all my clothes just yet either.

 We got into the MOMA for free =)

The statue of liberty

Van Gogh at the MOMA!  

 New York skyline from the top of the rock

The UN building... the only way I will ever move back to the cold east coast

I'm in the DC/VA area until the end of the month, then I'm back in California November 30th, before heading out to Kuwait on December 9th. I'll stay there for a bit and then move on to Pakistan on the 20th to begin relief work with the Saba Trust Foundation: http://www.sabatrust.com/.

SK sweet

In my last month in St. Kitts, I was asked multiple times what my favorite memories were now that I was getting ready to leave. Here are some of the top things that came to mind, in no particular order:

• J'ouvert!
• Beach campout on Will's birthday
• Marriott Adventure with Julie Ann and Alisa =)
• Climbing Mt. Liamuiga
• Climbing Nevis Peak
• Falling on the way to the Bat Cave
• My first Hash
• The island tour with Royston
• My first mango softserve at iQueens (and all the trips to that wonderful truck on the corner of Indepedence Square!)
• Music Festival
• Girls nights at Tashas
• Granny's salt fish and johnny cakes
• Trying to find Mari's on Market St.
• Road side chicken with Kim, Geoff and Will
• Sunsets at Anne's
• Welcome BBQ at Cockleshell
• Swimming with the folks from Ade's Place
• Horse back riding in the rainforest
• Snugar-diddles (baking with the Women of Purpose!)
• Hiking up to the Caribelle Batik and over to David & Ingrids afterwards
• The Riviere House
• Julie Ann climbing my terrace and breaking into my house
• Lost marathon's at Will's
• De Valley Pub sessions 
• Holding my breath with Patty on crazy bus rides  
• Killing roaches at Julie Ann's house in Nevis
• Thanksgiving and trying to get my stolen phone back  
• Shaniqua (my little neighbor) running to hug me when I came back from vacation
• Dominoes at Ship-wreck
• Bird Rock Beach with David, Ingrid, Patty, Anne and George

Official RPCV

The Peace Corps experience doesn’t end after 2 years. Once you’ve been in the Peace Corps, you are connected forever to volunteers who share similar experiences. In my opinion, and yes I'm biased, the Peace Corps has an even stronger alumni connection than that of schools like USC (no offense).

So after having accepted an Interrupted Service and then taking the medical separation, I decided to go back. After spending about a month in St. Kitts trying to get whatever closure was possible, and closing up/handing off projects to the best of my ability, and basically trying to shorten my SK bucket list and spend time with my friends, I don't think I will ever be over it. I will never stop missing St. Kitts. I will always cherish my memories and times and friends there. And I will always consider it a life changing experience. And even in hindsight of not completing 2 years, I would go through it all over again.

A couple of things made me change my mind about thinking of myself as a failure, as not having 'completed service'. When a fellow volunteer that had just completed 2 years of service told me that I would always be a fellow RPCV in his eyes, and was no less of a volunteer and had made just as much of an impact. And then when a PC staff member told me how she went through a similar experience of being medically separated before completing 2 years, but ended up going to work for the Peace Corps instead. I knew she had been a volunteer, but never knew that she hadn't finished the full 2 years. And she considered herself just as much of a RPCV as anyone else. Well then why shouldn't I? I didn't choose to leave or give up. I gave it my all and even fought to return. I'm a RPCV on all counts, and shouldn't feel like any less.

The most important part of being successful at anything is loving what you do. And it’s important not to let anyone else define your horizons. You’re going to find what it is you want to do and who you want to be, and the last question you ought to ask is, “Is this what I should because of my gender, race, national origin or disability, etc.?” Don’t let anybody ask that question, and don’t ask it yourself.

The next step of my adventure is to go do relief work for the flood victims in Pakistan. I applied for a PCRV (Peace Corps Response Volunteer) position, however that isn't working out. But that doesn't has to keep me from helping out. I don't have to go through the Peace Corps, as much as I love the institution. Perhaps I'll end up getting a job with them later on, but right now, I still want to work on international aid. And I remember thinking, when the flood occured, if it weren't for the Peace Corps, I would love to be able to go help my people out. So that's exactly what I'm going to try and do. So I may not be blogging about my PC experience anymore, but I will still be sharing my experience in relief work, iA.

Thank you to all my friends that made this past month absolutely amazing, or making me feel loved and missed, and like I made a difference. I love and miss you all, but I refuse to say goodbye =)