Goodbye is never sweet

Fourth grade, early 1996. I met my soulmate. Yasmin Julia Khan. We bonded over samosa’s from the canteen talking about how much we both liked R.L. Stine (I can’t believe I used to read that stuff). The first time I spent the night over at her house, my parents came to pick me up and lo and behold her grandfather and uncle’s started hugging my father because it turns out were somehow distantly related. So we happen to be long lost cousins who coincidentally became best friends =)

Yoshi (that's her nickname) came to visit me this past week for my birthday and also to spend some quality time with me before I leave. I hadn’t seen her since graduation and it's been over a year since then. We’ve gone long times without seeing each other before, but not recently. Not since college at least. We're used to the long distance relationship. But saying goodbye to her this time, was harder than its ever been. I woke up at 6 am to drop her off at the airport (after a week of staying up late and waking up early running around all of southern California). But I couldn’t go back to sleep =(

It was a slap in the face saying goodbye. But it also didn't seem like I was only saying goodbye to her. I ran through all the goodbye’s I’m going to be saying very soon. Less than two months now. 27 months is a really long time... and I know it's not like I won't see anyone that entire time. But I feel like everyone's lives are like these bubbles, and for the next 2 and something year's I'm going to be stepping outside of these bubbles. And stepping back in isn't going to be easy. And even though I know I'm the one getting up and leaving, I'm the one off to do something that won't include any of the people that have been a part of my life so far, I feel like I'm the one that's going to be forgotten or not needed.

I've never known when the next time I was going to see Yasmin would be when we say goodbye. But I've also always known that it didn't matter. We always pick up where we left off. I think that's what scares me. I'm afraid I'm going to change so much that I won't be able to just 'pick up'.

I hung out with Sajid the other night. He' just got back from Umrah and Tanzania and is here for a couple of days before heading to volunteer in India. He climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro! And went on a safari in the Serengeti. So he was telling us all about the experience, the people, the climb, the animals. Everything. But he was able to share it. And it was nice to be able to have him tell us all about his experience. And even though I've never done anything even remotely close to what he did, it wasn't like I couldn't understand what he was trying to get across. But from what I've heard I won't be able to share the same way when I return. So not only am I stepping out of these bubbles for so long, I'm almost cutting myself off from the people in my life. I'm cutting out over 2 years of experiences that I'm afraid I won't be able to share with them.

I think I'm being over dramatic though. And what's wrong with having an experience just to myself anyway?

Time Flies

My countdown is already beginning. A little over 10 weeks till August 24th. It seem's like I just graduated yesterday, but you blink and what do you know, its already been over a year. But so much has happened in this past year too.

I'm relieved to be leaving. This limbo of not doing anything has gotten really old. I know they tell you not to, but I really did put my life on hold for the Peace Corps. Instead of grad school or pursuing a long-term job, I took whatever I could get to be in Irvine with Sophie instead.

I've been collecting things I'll be needing with me in St. Kitts. A sleeping bag for warm weather, a crank flashlight, a swiss army knife, bed sheets, etc. Made a big bag of clothes I haven't worn, or know I won't be taking with me, to give away. I'm already looking at everything in my room, thinking, I won't be needing this. I feel like packing everything up right now, but at the same time, I'm not quite ready yet. It's so close, but so far away. Reality is hitting me. How sad is it, that the other day I was looking at my baking supplies in the pantry, thinking about how I won't be able to use any of this stuff for over 2 years. I won't have my silicone mat, or my favorite measuring cup, or the awesome oven I've grown to love. I won't have a Ralph's or Alberton's right around the corner to run to when mid-baking I realize I don't have a particular ingredient.

And most importantly, I won't have Sophie or Amar peeking over my shoulder to see when they can sneak a taste of whatever just came out of the oven.

But then I think about how I will be making new friends and going through a whole new experience. There will be new friends to test recipes on =) And to learn so much more from. Reading Alisa's blog today, and how she just couldn't put her experiences into words... It made me even more excited. But also a little sad that I'm not really going to be able to share this experience.

I still don't really know what to expect. But that's part of what makes this so great. I'm going in without a concrete plan, and I'm going to have to learn as I go along. But it scares me at the same time. I don't know where I'll be living, I don't know where I'll be working, I don't know anything about what my lifestyle is going to be like. I don't even know where my orientation is going to be yet! But most importantly, I don't know how my work is going to help. Or exactly what my 'work' is even going to be. And isn't that the whole point of this? Of leaving for over 2 years... but all I can do is wait.

I'm excited, and nervous, and scared. I want to leave now, but then I want to stay a little bit longer. I want to be able to experience something so amazing that I won't know how to explain it, but I also want to share something so important with the special people in my life. I want to know everything, but I also want to just let things unfold. I'm a little all over the place.

But what else is new?