Change can be wonderful and heartwrenching at the same time. Life changes in a heartbeat. I think I’m learning how to deal with extreme spontaneity and lack of structure, but that doesn't mean I like it. I hate not knowing and I hate waiting more than anything else. But that seems to be the definition of my life here.
William Murray is not coming back. He was permanently leaving, then he was just leaving for testing with all of us being in limbo, hoping and praying he might return, and now he's definitely not returning for service. One of my other close friends here is going through personal issues so I essentially feel like I have 'lost' two of my best friends here. With the Children's Home; I was working with them, then they didn't want me working with them, then I'm officially cleared to work with them again. Constant last minute meetings and plans. People coming and going from my life. Simultaneously shocking and wonderful changes, slaps in the faces, reality sinking in, losing hope and getting it back only to lose it again.
I love it and hate it and want it all to end and never want it to stop. My life is all whirls and spins and I’m just trying to follow the yellow brick road. Except I don't know what I'm hoping to find at the end of mine and I don't have any magical ruby red slippers.
The only constant in my life is my family and I miss them so incredibly much right now and can't wait for my mommy to visit so I can curl up with my head in her lap as she plays with my hair and frustrates me and makes me laugh and feel safe because I know she will never ever leave me.
St. Kitts may have lost me, but you'll never lose me.
ReplyDeleteYou don't lose true friends; distance has no meaning for family and true friends. We love you.
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