Opposite Desires

It's been almost a year since I came to the island. Sometimes it shocks me how much I've changed, and other times it shocks me how much I haven't. Lines are clearly drawn, then blurred. Friends have let me down and picked me up. I've wanted to quit and live here forever all in the same day. I have a beautiful network of friends and 'family' here, but I miss my family back home. And I need them both the same.

There's a difference between just going with the flow, and letting life happen in my opinion. I am a planner at heart, but I've learnt that you have to be open to other possibilities. I'm not saying you should always expect to be disappointed. Things may not work out the way you want, but that doesn't mean it won't work out for the better. I'm excited to go back home, but at the same time, I don't want to leave my life here for so long and cut into my experience here. For a planner, I've always hated making decisions.

I think I've been giving my first visitor a balance of the local vs tourist experience. We went ziplining and on a full island tour. We spent a lazy rainy sunday bumming it and working/reading from home. I took her on a tour of a plantation and hiking up the volcano. She has seen how my week seemed to be totally free if you asked me on Friday but I now have a lot of meetings scheduled. She has been dragged along to multiple meetings throughout the day and had the joy of going to the Dominica boat Monday market. She even got to experience the rain right after putting the laundry out to dry. Time flies real quick. I'm referring to both my time here so far, and the fact that Mommy's trip is almost at an end.

My first visitor and VAC meeting

I had a pretty eventful week to say the least. Mommy arrived in St. Kitts Thursday afternoon. I let her take it easy that day, so I cooked some coconut rice and fish, fed her some yummy mango bread and relaxed and caught up. The next day, we started around 8 am and I dragged her along to about 3 meetings and didn't get home till around 12 hours later. Saturday, I took her on the hash (it ended up being an intense 2 hour hike with a mixture of beach and uphill through random rainforesty vegetation) and even got her to hitchhike on the back of a truck! Ok, fine it was only with a fellow hasher and Mike was with us but still. That was followed by a  waterfront dinner at SpratNet with Anne and George, and Eddie even joined us after. We stayed up talking that night.

And then there was Sunday. I left early that morning and somehow managed to catch a bus on time to the airport. I had a little drama with my reservation because it wasn't paid for under my name (it was by the PC, trust LIAT to be efficient when it doesn't suit you). After checking into the hotel, a couple of us went to watch the world cup final at a bar/lounge. I was the only one cheering for Spain from the group. We got back in time to quickly shower and all the VACs head out to Pigeon Island for dinner at Jambe De Bois where we enjoyed the mismatched twig chairs, obscure tables, local art and live jazz band by the water.

Now I've been running low on my glucose meter test strips despite reminding our medical officer, and had gotten down to my last one that night. I decided not to do my nightly bed time test and save the strip for the morning, after which I was hoping to receive my test strips at the office. I ended up having my first severe hypoglycemic reaction (low blood sugar) in years; I can't even remember the last time I had one, proving how long its been. Kelly woke up after hearing me fall out of bed at 2.00 am and called Geoff and they then called the paramedics. I have some battle wounds, bumps and bruises from the paramedics attempts to get me into the ambulance. I woke up around 4.00 am and my first thought was 'Do I have to miss the meeting?' 

Long story short, I ended up being admitted in the hospital and missed about an hour and a half of my first VAC meeting. A mixture of contributing factors culminated in a unfortunate night including my lack of test strips or a glucagon emergency kit, being in a hotel room without access to food, crashing from a couple of long tiring days worth of late nights and early mornings, overcompensating with too much insulin for my dinner, and the lack of understanding of diabetes in the Caribbean. It was not cute. But I have NEVER in my life been hospitalized for a hypoglycemic reaction and iA it will never happen again. I am totally and completely ok and my diabetes is in control and there is absolutely nothing to worry about.

The VAC with Margo and Elizabeth =)

Monday was the VAC meeting, and we discussed a lot of issues such as communication between volunteers and staff, office equipment, volunteer finances, sustainability, and the 50th anniversary, just to name a few. Kelly was elected as chairperson and I was elected as secretary (Go EC-80!) During our discussions, one of the topics that came up (especially when we talked about the sustainability of our projects and work) was comparisons. One of my fellow VACs quoted someone and said that "comparison is the thief of joy". And I completely agree. You should never hold yourself to anyone elses standards because that will only drive you crazy (spoken from experience). I've spent too much of my life caring about what other people will think and say, and trying to make everyone happy. We need to do what we can, with what we have. And do our very best to OUR abilities, and no one elses.

Yesterday, I returned from St. Lucia and took mommy to two more meetings. We got poured on and experienced waiting in the rain for a meeting that never took place. She's really getting to experience my life here. After running some errands today she got some local food, including Mrs. Moore's amazing johnny cake saltfish sandwiches, passion fruit juice and iQueens softserve mango ice cream =) Yummy!!! But I made her hike up to Ocean Terrace Inn for our DASKN Think Tank afterwards, which had a much better attendance than expected. However, I've learnt that here in St. Kitts, we discuss a lot and decide very little. One of the DASKN members thinks that volunteer organizations here are essentially a 'mental masturbation' that stroke our egos and make us feel like we're doing something and making a difference when what we need is 'real intercourse with the population'. Despite that, I personally think that there were a lot of good points brought up with a great free flow of information between a lot of people.

I think the hardest thing in life to learn is which bridge to cross and which to burn. And I've always hated making decisions. But you really do have to pick and choose your battles.  

Every path leads somewhere

A good friend recently told me that no matter what you decide, things will work out. I have always been a planner at heart, constantly making lists and schedules. But I've learnt that sometimes, you just need to let life come to you.

One of the Peace Corps goals is to educate Americans back home about our host country. I'm not going to lie, that is not even a part of why I joined the Peace Corps. But it has, unintentionally, become a part of the work I do. I am enrolled in WWS (World Wise School) [Side note: I love how the meaning of acronyms are what go in paranthesis for me, gotta love the PC and its many acronyms] which is basically a program that connects PCVs with a public school back home to teach the kids about our host country. Aside from that, I often find myself explaining why the "Beach Corps" stigma really isn't fair.

I cringe when I hear people saying ignorant and ethno-centric things. It's hard having a sister who thinks there is a place called 'Peruvia'. Lately I've met tourists who have been extremely surprised to find out that the Peace Corps serves here. One of our volunteers was wearing a PC shirt and a man asked her if there really were volunteers here. When she confirmed he said "Man my son got screwed over". One of his sons was apparently posted in Mali (still a tourist destination if you ask me!). Another girl thought that I was beyond lucky, and in her defense I was sitting at a spot where she was on vacation. But she then went on to describe how incredibly nice the island is. Don't get me wrong, I love it here. But she was only here for a day at most, and hadn't left the Southern Peninsula (the Beverly Hills of St. Kitts). Most tourists here don't ever see beyond the airconditioned resorts and sandy beaches. They never see the crime & violence, the poverty, the extreme disparity between one side of the island and the other. They don't see my neighbors. You don't recognize a person's faults until you really get to know them. It's exactly the same for St. Kitts.

Bird Rock Beach, my favorite so far =)

Some of the ladies enjoying the fireworks

On the complete flip side, I AM extremely blessed to be here. Not just because its a tropical Caribbean island, but because of the wonderful friends I've made and the experiences and opportunities I've had. Ironically, I had one of the best 4th of July celebrations here. The volunteers had a BBQ at one of our favorite beaches here with great food and even better company. JC managed to get some fireworks, and I even got to light a couple (I am very easily entertained and had a blast with that!) And then we went over to the Shiggidy Shack and watched proper fireworks over there. It was the closest I've ever been to fireworks (probably not the safest thing) and we were practically right underneath them. It was another example of an absolutely wonderful day in my life here.

David, JC and Geoff trying to light up multiple fireworks simultaneously. They totally failed and we had to enjoy them one by one instead. Oh well, they lasted longer that way!