Trust vs. Home

It was winter break here last week, so thankfully when I went to the Home, the girls were there. I got to sit in on their Islamic Studies class where they were learning Dua-e-Qunoot, which is a verse from the Quran recited during one of our prayers. After that they learnt the equivalent of our biblical stories about Prophet Ibrahim. They were absolutely adorable, and since I was new they kept turning around to look at me curiously. And they smiled and laughed as though they were the happiest girls alive, all bundled up in their jackets and gloves. Gas isn't really available out in Pindi, especially nowadays with the load shedding. So there isn't really heating out there and its pretty darn cold =( Load shedding of both gas and electricity is a pretty big problem here right now, so cold showers and no heating has been sort of a norm lately.

So I got a chance to see the home, and the office for Saba Trust and get a much better understanding of how the organization works. Basically, Saba Trust is the umbrella organization with different projects, including their flood relief efforts, the Saba Homes orphanage for the girls, medicial clinics, bringing water supplies to villages, along with other relief efforts for those in poverty here. The organization is in the process of organizing a formal board, which I am helping with, especially with my training and experience with that in the Peace Corps. I am also working on grant research right now and will be working on applications once I find the places we want to apply to and gather all the information. I'll write about that in more detail at a later point. The trust has offices in Pindi, Karachi, Kuwait, California and now is trying to set something up in London too. I'm organizing an awareness dinner in Kuwait tentatively scheduled for April as well. So a lot of the work I'm doing is remote and from home actually.

Islamabad at last

I finally made it to Islamabad. I don't know if its exciting or exhausting that this is finally the place I'll be staying the longest (and its only about 3 1/2 months) in quite a while. When we were in Lahore and I was telling my uncle what all I've been up to recently, he commented on what an adventurous and exciting life I lead. He's never left the country and never lived outside of a 10 miles radius of where he is now. It's weird how someone from my own family can have such an insanely different life from my own.

I've been working on the grantwriting workshop. First it was about writing a case for support, and then about prospect research and identifying potential funders who are best suited to support your organizations work. And I'll finally get to meet the girls soon, which I can't wait for! Although I don't anticipate the bulk of my work being with the girls, most of it should be with grants and office and project management while the girls are at school. But still...

Flood relief

I'm really proud of my little sister, Erum. She's the secretary of the NHS at her high school and she and her friends organized a donation drive for the flood victims. This is some of the stuff they gathered in the diwaniya in our house in Kuwait. The bags are all full of clothes. I helped my mommy sort through and label and pack the clothes into boxes to be sent to Pakistan with the Imran Khan foundation to be distributed to the victims.

Erum and her high school NHS friends after collecting the donations. Aren't they cute?

I'm really excited to start working with the Saba Homes. I'll be in Pakistan on Monday. Technically I've already started working with them, because I went to the office in Garden Grove before leaving California. And I'm taking part in an online grantwriting workshop because that is something I will be helping out with: grant applications. I am insanely excited about this because it is something I had hoped to get more experience with in the Peace Corps. I can't wait =)

Opposites

Maybe New York wasn't the best place to go right after St. Kitts. It was overwhelming to say the least. I still had a great time with my amazing friends there (thank you Sameer, Fati, Zaynab, Inayat and Farah!) but it was just a lot to handle. New York is just as busy, fast paced, crazy, overwhelming and COLD as St. Kitts is slow, relaxed, laid-back and hot. There were too many choices, and everyone knows I don't do well with making decisions. I don't know how well I'm readjusting. And part of what makes it hard is that I didn't have the time to get ready for it. And also the fact that I'm not settling back to a particular lifestyle. I'm jumping around. And even though that's what I want because I'm not quite ready to start a settled calm life just yet, my head feels like a crowded train track collision waiting to happen. I'm sick of living out of a suitcase, but I'm not ready to hang up all my clothes just yet either.

 We got into the MOMA for free =)

The statue of liberty

Van Gogh at the MOMA!  

 New York skyline from the top of the rock

The UN building... the only way I will ever move back to the cold east coast

I'm in the DC/VA area until the end of the month, then I'm back in California November 30th, before heading out to Kuwait on December 9th. I'll stay there for a bit and then move on to Pakistan on the 20th to begin relief work with the Saba Trust Foundation: http://www.sabatrust.com/.

SK sweet

In my last month in St. Kitts, I was asked multiple times what my favorite memories were now that I was getting ready to leave. Here are some of the top things that came to mind, in no particular order:

• J'ouvert!
• Beach campout on Will's birthday
• Marriott Adventure with Julie Ann and Alisa =)
• Climbing Mt. Liamuiga
• Climbing Nevis Peak
• Falling on the way to the Bat Cave
• My first Hash
• The island tour with Royston
• My first mango softserve at iQueens (and all the trips to that wonderful truck on the corner of Indepedence Square!)
• Music Festival
• Girls nights at Tashas
• Granny's salt fish and johnny cakes
• Trying to find Mari's on Market St.
• Road side chicken with Kim, Geoff and Will
• Sunsets at Anne's
• Welcome BBQ at Cockleshell
• Swimming with the folks from Ade's Place
• Horse back riding in the rainforest
• Snugar-diddles (baking with the Women of Purpose!)
• Hiking up to the Caribelle Batik and over to David & Ingrids afterwards
• The Riviere House
• Julie Ann climbing my terrace and breaking into my house
• Lost marathon's at Will's
• De Valley Pub sessions 
• Holding my breath with Patty on crazy bus rides  
• Killing roaches at Julie Ann's house in Nevis
• Thanksgiving and trying to get my stolen phone back  
• Shaniqua (my little neighbor) running to hug me when I came back from vacation
• Dominoes at Ship-wreck
• Bird Rock Beach with David, Ingrid, Patty, Anne and George

Official RPCV

The Peace Corps experience doesn’t end after 2 years. Once you’ve been in the Peace Corps, you are connected forever to volunteers who share similar experiences. In my opinion, and yes I'm biased, the Peace Corps has an even stronger alumni connection than that of schools like USC (no offense).

So after having accepted an Interrupted Service and then taking the medical separation, I decided to go back. After spending about a month in St. Kitts trying to get whatever closure was possible, and closing up/handing off projects to the best of my ability, and basically trying to shorten my SK bucket list and spend time with my friends, I don't think I will ever be over it. I will never stop missing St. Kitts. I will always cherish my memories and times and friends there. And I will always consider it a life changing experience. And even in hindsight of not completing 2 years, I would go through it all over again.

A couple of things made me change my mind about thinking of myself as a failure, as not having 'completed service'. When a fellow volunteer that had just completed 2 years of service told me that I would always be a fellow RPCV in his eyes, and was no less of a volunteer and had made just as much of an impact. And then when a PC staff member told me how she went through a similar experience of being medically separated before completing 2 years, but ended up going to work for the Peace Corps instead. I knew she had been a volunteer, but never knew that she hadn't finished the full 2 years. And she considered herself just as much of a RPCV as anyone else. Well then why shouldn't I? I didn't choose to leave or give up. I gave it my all and even fought to return. I'm a RPCV on all counts, and shouldn't feel like any less.

The most important part of being successful at anything is loving what you do. And it’s important not to let anyone else define your horizons. You’re going to find what it is you want to do and who you want to be, and the last question you ought to ask is, “Is this what I should because of my gender, race, national origin or disability, etc.?” Don’t let anybody ask that question, and don’t ask it yourself.

The next step of my adventure is to go do relief work for the flood victims in Pakistan. I applied for a PCRV (Peace Corps Response Volunteer) position, however that isn't working out. But that doesn't has to keep me from helping out. I don't have to go through the Peace Corps, as much as I love the institution. Perhaps I'll end up getting a job with them later on, but right now, I still want to work on international aid. And I remember thinking, when the flood occured, if it weren't for the Peace Corps, I would love to be able to go help my people out. So that's exactly what I'm going to try and do. So I may not be blogging about my PC experience anymore, but I will still be sharing my experience in relief work, iA.

Thank you to all my friends that made this past month absolutely amazing, or making me feel loved and missed, and like I made a difference. I love and miss you all, but I refuse to say goodbye =)

Forced early retirement

As most of you know, back in July I was hospitalized for a hypoglycemic reaction. This has never before happened in my life, and was due to a culmination of a lot of factors. Long story short, the Peace Corps is being hyper vigilant about health care especially because of the recent death of a PCV in Morocco. They are now investigating the provision of healthcare to PCVs at various posts. In light of my 'incident', the Peace Corps has decided that the EC is no longer able to adequately support my medical needs as a diabetic with an insulin pump. I am being given the option of an Interrupted Service, meaning I could transfer to another post that is able to support diabetics on the pump.

As of right now, I don't know details about my different options. I don't know if this means I would have to go through training again, what countries can support me, what kind of programs there are, nothing. I have to wait to get a call from a placement officer. Depending on what options they give me, I'll decide how to move forward.

It may sound like I'm really calm, but I've had some time to process. I've gone through the tears, the swearing (anyone that knows me I only swear if I'm REALLY really mad). I'm still in a state of shock and disbelief. But after some heartfelt conversations with really good friends, I've realized that it's not the end of the world. I slowed down and took a breath. As hard as its going to be for me to leave my life in St. Kitts, I'm still better off than probably 90% of the people in this world (I'm just making numbers up here). I still have a place to live, a bed, food to eat, great family and friends. I have nothing to complain about in comparison to the hardships faced by the underpriveleged in this world. And I believe that hard times define who you are as a person. It's easy to be awesome when things are good. So pouting and crying won't change anything, it won't help me come back. I made my appeals, I called and emailed anyone and everyone that I could. I fought and didn't give up. So now I have to accept it and move on.

I realize that I have to remain open, because there are times when one path may seem to close off and you need to take another one. I think that one of the things I’ve learnt, more by accident than design, is to accept life's ambiguity and that you can’t plan where you’re going to be for the next 30 years of your life. I have to take whats in front of me and love that and see where that leads.